As we gear up for the grand finale of the calendar year, let's talk about the real game – surviving New Year's Eve. It could be the hardest game you've ever played. Don't worry, we've been there, and got your back.
Family, Fingers and @MrFurry18255
If you're like us, the only thing worse than spending NYE with our extended, slightly oddball family, is spending it with overdressed strangers wearing sequins and slacks. The clothes have too much sparkle, dinner is too expensive, and the whole night is extremely overrated. Don't get us wrong, the family NYE party is only a shade of gray better, but at least the cheese dip is free. And, you can wear lounge pants.
Setting The Stage
Preparations for the big event happen far before the actual date. You need escape routes, conversation starters and enders, and to properly visualize it all with enough time to strategize.
Picture this: Aunt Linda is already three glasses of bubbly in, gearing up to tell everyone about her cats' latest shenanigans. Spoiler alert: Mr. Whiskers now has his own Instagram. Meanwhile, Uncle Jerry’s busy setting up his annual fireworks display for Midnight, which, let’s face it, is more of a safety hazard than a spectacle. We all know his story of losing those two fingers in a machine shop is a complete farce. But at least it gives us something exciting to look at on a humdrum night when balls drop and lips sync.
The Living Room Arena: Where Tech Meets Tradition
Now, as the clock ticks, you're navigating through a thick sea of relatives, each with their own unique scent. Some good. Some bad. Some just old (that one is hard to describe). Your get-rich-quick cousin (who still hasn't gotten rich in the decade he's been trying) is explaining Bitcoin to your grandma, who still thinks the internet is a fad. Your teenage siblings are in a corner, eyes glued to their phones, hoping to be teleported away. You make it clear that if they figure it out, you want in too.
If The New Year's Rockin' Don't Come Knockin'
As for the TV, it’s tuned to the New Year's Special, as everyone anxiously awaits a ball of glass to slowly fall to the ground. Not exactly the excitement gamers are used to. The TV itself is turned up really, really loud so Grandpa can hear the hosts slur their words. They seem drunk, but maybe their pants are just too tight. Hard to tell.
Like clockwork, when each performer gets on stage, "Uncle Firework Accident" asks you who the performer is, and if you have seen them in concert. Just answer no and no. After a while he'll ask someone else. It's probably time to leave the room anyway. Watching musicians shamelessly lip sync could turn you against the art completely. Time to abort.
Aunt Farts & Ambrosia: The Unexpected Joys of NYE
The bathroom is a good place to hide just before the midnight kissing ritual – a curious custom where couples awkwardly smooch while singles either scramble to find a partner or pretend to be deeply interested in their fingernails until the moment passes.
But look on the bright side. It's funny when your aunt farts, right? You enjoy watching your get-rich-cousin talk on a bluetooth earpiece thingy (apparently, they still make them), and it's open season on free Ambrosia. Hmm, suddenly those bright side things, don't seem so bright. Whatever.
Be strong, we know you can get through it, especially since it's only one night a year. Think of New Year's Eve like that one level you can't beat but still play because, hey, it's kind of fun in a strange way. And when the clock strikes twelve, toast to another year of gaming.
Happy New Year, and if you are in the market for a new gaming PC in 2024, let's just say we know a guy. 👇
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